...buddy joins the ARMY, but he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.  So when he lines up for his rifle, the nco's (non-commissioned officers) say "hey, we can't give him a rifle, he'll shoot himself in the foot!"

So they gave him a branch and say "just yell 'bang bang bang' and it will shoot".

"Oh ok" he says.

Then buddy lines up for a bayonet. "No way" the nco's say, 'he'll cut himself!"

So they give him a twig and say "just go 'cutty cutty cutty' and it will work.

"Oh ok" he says.

Then buddy lines up for grenades.

"Oh forget it" the nco's say, 'give him some rocks, otherwise he'd really hurt himself."

So they tell buddy, "just yell 'boom boom boom' and they'll blow up.

"Oh ok' he says.

So they put buddy way in the back 40 cleaning the tanks so he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone.

SUDDENLY over the hill comes the enemy!

"OH NO", buddy quickly grabs his rocks and starts throwing them yelling "boom boom boom"
- but the enemy still walks towards him.

What to do???  So buddy grabs his branch, err, gun, and yells "bang bang bang"
- but enemy still comes towards him.

Finally he draws out his, um, knife, and yells "cutty cutty cutty"
- but the enemy still comes towards him.

"WHY DON'T YOU STOP???" he yells!

To which the enemy guy replies...

"TANK TANK TANK"

;-)